I am homeschool headmistress to a mostly attentive audience of one at an academy whose mascot is a bunny overlord
She will be an actress-hairstylist-teacher-scientist-(hold on, hand cramp) dancer-environmentalist-bunny farmer-president and will tutor kids between 2pm and 3pm on alternate Sundays
I am a writer

I tried outrunning chronic illness with an MBA, which is ridiculous since everybody knows it requires a PhD, or at least a boot camp
My joints are mostly factory-original equipment, but I am in full ownership (with no outstanding payments) of one knee and one hip
I am, however, due for a tune-up

The student loans, sadly, will remain betrothed to me until I am 123 years and seven months old, at which time there will not be a marriage but rather a balloon payment
My plan is to escape in my flying car and hide out on Mars behind the red stuff holding my breath until I am forgiven
Elon needs to step on it

Time parks itself on LinkedIn, laughing at my assertion that I am what people need and shrieking, “Broaden your specialty”
My net is cast so wide I’m catching blue-footed boobies who do not need LinkedIn profiles since they have beaks instead of bills
I should write that down

If my skin were as dark as my humor, my Puerto Rican relatives might associate with me outside Facebook, but alas, my mom is a Viking
She traded in her horns for Diet Coke, but she’s so legit she even uses ‘Nordic Blonde’ hair dye
We never had this chat

I am a bunny overlord wrangler with a head full of Prednisone, a gold-plated education, and half a job prospect, desperate enough to sardonically toss my Nordic-haired mother under the proverbial bus (you know that stuff comes out of the bottle blue?)
Maybe that’s how the blue-footed boobies got their blue feet?
I’ll check on Mom

Photo by Anton H from Pexels

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