My Messy Happy

Motorcycles gliding up the highway in stiff competition to see who can get to the Cracker Barrel first. Excited children hooting and bleating happily in their respective front yards. The moist wind swirling trees like soft serve, shooting gales of spring through the window screen. And me. A writer engulfed in the splendor of the April Awakening.

All I want is a little breeze. Instead, I get a motorcycle gang screaming down the street, kids outside howling at God knows what, and 50 mph wind gusts tossing everything around. There is no way I’m writing anything worthwhile today. 

Perspective is important.

I am definitely not engulfed in the splendor of anything today. The house is a wreck. I have a post-Easter sugar hangover. My immune system is punishing me for daring to be active by painfully inflaming each and every joint (thank you rheumatoid arthritis). Another couple of hours of job hunting yielded nothing but disappointment and bitterness. And I’m happy.

It’s spring break this week, so I can relax, and I have time to work on pulling the house together. My husband and I managed to pull off a really fun Easter for my little girl, complete with a pink cake she got to decorate. I chatted online this morning with a friend I haven’t seen in a long time, and she has a few job leads she’s sending my way. 

My happy is messy. It’s “happy despite.” It’s happiness that disguises itself so well I burst into tears throughout the day before remembering it, But it’s happy, and I’ll take it.

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